Like some transgender girls have us believe, I do not remember how I felt when I was 2 years old! I do not believe them; I think they are thinking that they remember how they felt when they were 2 but they really do not. How does a 2-year-old believe they were born in the wrong body? That feeling did not come for me until much, much later.
I remember only a few things from before I was even 6. But I was told by my mother that I was very shy and I cried a lot! I do recall that I liked my stuffed animals and I liked to play with dolls and play house with my two older sisters.
There actually are pictures of me playing with the dolls and also there are pictures of me playing dress-up with my sisters. You know, silly hats and scarves and our mother's heels!
OK, I do remember when I started first grade at age 6. And like my mother said, I was very shy. And I was always a teacher's pet!
I did not know what it meant to be a sissy at first, but I do know that I hung out with the girls and the boys who were different -- meaning not the rugged, sports-playing boys. But many boys are pretty shy when they are 6, so what did I know. Probably by sixth grade, when I was 12, I was pretty much established as one of the sissies.
And you can probably relate to this: In grade school, I was not very good at the boys sports of football, baseball and basketball. I had girlie legs and skinny arms. Wasn't very strong at all. I would be selected near the last when making teams during recess or the playground pickup games! I remember there was at least one girl who would always be picked before me because she could hit a softball pretty far! When I did play, they put me out in right field where not much happened. And I struck out a lot.
I was good at volleyball, however, and we played dodge ball a lot. I was very agile in getting out of the way of balls, but not very strong in throwing it back! Other than that, I liked to swim and run and play tennis, pretty much sports that girls could do -- or the weaker boys!
So, I did not just sit around and play with dolls and read books like some sissies say they did. Oh, I was also a Cub Scout!
I was not included in the boy groups because we did not really have much to talk about. My best friends, like I said, always ended up being the other sissies and the girls. In sixth grade, things pretty much changed drastically, so I will devote a separate chapter to that one school year.
When I was very young, I do remember sticking to my mother. I wanted to be with her in the kitchen and the bathroom and when she was dressing.
I saw her naked and in her lingerie a lot, and surely it must have left an impression on me, but again, I can't say for sure. I marveled at her big breasts and of course what was down below. Why did she not cover up? Who knows, but surely she did not ever think that she was leaving some sort of impression on me that later fueled my need to be feminine like her.
My mother liked to wear those sheer -- read: see-through -- nightgowns. And you could see her big beautiful breasts. There were other times when she would walk around naked from the bathroom to her bedroom or she might call me into her bedroom to tell me something when was getting dressed.
So my point is, I saw my mother's breasts a lot and that is pretty much one of the few things that I remember at a very young age. And, being a momma's boy, I wanted to be like my mother in all ways! What she did and what she wore and of course what she looked like! I envied her in all ways and those breasts were a subject of wonder for me!
I stuck to my mother! I never wanted to be with my dad or like my dad and I bet if you are reading this then you certainly understand what I am talking about!
I don't remember spending time with my father when I was very young. And this is backed up for because there are not any pictures of me doing that either, so it must be true. I bet most psychologists would see a pattern in the fact that I gravitated toward my mother and not my father at an early age.
Please, if you are reading this, post your comments! Would love to hear from those with similar experiences!